How I Lost All My FB Friends 8: the Eightening

We all have some FB friends that are younger than us, but let's take pretentious to a whole new level so we can lambaste ANYONE.  Instead of saying, "I'll tell you when you're older," to passive aggressive rhetorical ramblings that end in questions like "Why does this always happen to me?" say::
"I'll tell you when you're more emotionally mature."
Then do a follow up post:
"You're an idiot."

Friend problem solved.

How I lost all my FB Friends, episode 7

We all have that friend that really thinks that they are photogenic, but... well, you know what's next.  One of the rules of the universe is that person has to post photos of themselves incessantly, forever lurking just below the "older posts" bar.  Waiting.
But today, instead of saying, "Hey, dude, that eyeliner makes you look like the joker -- and no, that won't get you chicks, man.  I mean you REALLY look like a spree killer.  Listen, only Johnny Depp can wear eyeliner and make ladies swoon," you can simply fix the problem for everyone.  Give them a link to this hat.  That way you gain a cool dwarf friend and NOBODY has to see your -- well, you know what's next -- friend.  Everybody wins.  

How I lost all my FB friends, episode VI

So I used roman numerals this time because Episode VI was my favorite of the three Star Wars films.  (I'm sorry, Natalie Portman.  You are a fabulous actress, but without Han Solo... I'm sure you understand.)

Here's another handy way to lose that pesky oversharing FB friend.  "Dear [be sure to tag your soon-to-be-ex-friend here], I'm sorry your heart was broken, but did you really think that all those passive aggressive posts were really going to mend your relationship? #notsosly"

Cheers, and best of luck losing those friends!

How I lost all my FB friends, Episode IV

Here's one I think anyone can appreciate:

"Man, you know a lot about [TV Show].  When did you last finish reading a book?"

How I lost all my FB friends, episode dos.

The fun continues today! Here's some food for thought for your soon-to-be ex-FB friends. Aren't they lucky? Comment: "Please remember that even though you were in your pajamas when you posted, that the internet is, in fact, not as private as your bedroom." Do remember however, that this comment won't work on everyone! For some people, their bedroom and FB share the exact same level of privacy. (Glean from that what you will.)

Inappropriate Status Comments, or how I lost all my FB friends.

I'll be aiming to update this post daily through the end of January. If you want to know how to lose friends, or maybe you just want a place to vicariously post insensitive comments, leave one below! Comment #1: "You have two options: shut up or grow a pair" (For Ladies add "of brass ovaries" then you'll be ready to FB defend your reproductive rights)