Doubling Down on Douchebaggery: A comprehensive how-to on living bitterly
Reviews: "I laughed, I cried, I ran over my spouse's dog."
"All these years, I thought my unhappiness was my own fault. Now, I know it's yours."
Showing posts with label Passive Aggressive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Passive Aggressive. Show all posts
07 March 2013
15 January 2013
How I Lost All My FB Friends 8: the Eightening
We all have some FB friends that are younger than us, but let's take pretentious to a whole new level so we can lambaste ANYONE. Instead of saying, "I'll tell you when you're older," to passive aggressive rhetorical ramblings that end in questions like "Why does this always happen to me?" say::
"I'll tell you when you're more emotionally mature."
Then do a follow up post:
"You're an idiot."
Friend problem solved.
"I'll tell you when you're more emotionally mature."
Then do a follow up post:
"You're an idiot."
Friend problem solved.
14 January 2013
How I lost all my FB Friends, episode 7
We all have that friend that really thinks that they are photogenic, but... well, you know what's next. One of the rules of the universe is that person has to post photos of themselves incessantly, forever lurking just below the "older posts" bar. Waiting.
But today, instead of saying, "Hey, dude, that eyeliner makes you look like the joker -- and no, that won't get you chicks, man. I mean you REALLY look like a spree killer. Listen, only Johnny Depp can wear eyeliner and make ladies swoon," you can simply fix the problem for everyone. Give them a link to this hat. That way you gain a cool dwarf friend and NOBODY has to see your -- well, you know what's next -- friend. Everybody wins.
But today, instead of saying, "Hey, dude, that eyeliner makes you look like the joker -- and no, that won't get you chicks, man. I mean you REALLY look like a spree killer. Listen, only Johnny Depp can wear eyeliner and make ladies swoon," you can simply fix the problem for everyone. Give them a link to this hat. That way you gain a cool dwarf friend and NOBODY has to see your -- well, you know what's next -- friend. Everybody wins.
13 January 2013
How I lost all my FB friends, episode VI
So I used roman numerals this time because Episode VI was my favorite of the three Star Wars films. (I'm sorry, Natalie Portman. You are a fabulous actress, but without Han Solo... I'm sure you understand.)
Here's another handy way to lose that pesky oversharing FB friend. "Dear [be sure to tag your soon-to-be-ex-friend here], I'm sorry your heart was broken, but did you really think that all those passive aggressive posts were really going to mend your relationship? #notsosly"
Cheers, and best of luck losing those friends!
Here's another handy way to lose that pesky oversharing FB friend. "Dear [be sure to tag your soon-to-be-ex-friend here], I'm sorry your heart was broken, but did you really think that all those passive aggressive posts were really going to mend your relationship? #notsosly"
Cheers, and best of luck losing those friends!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)