Books that Should Never Happen, III

Doubling Down on Douchebaggery: A comprehensive how-to on living bitterly

Reviews:  "I laughed, I cried, I ran over my spouse's dog."

"All these years, I thought my unhappiness was my own fault.  Now, I know it's yours."

How I Lost All My FB Friends, 23

Almost everyone these days has some sort of college debt.  In fact, a quick tour around Change.org will reveal dozens upon dozens of people petitioning for signatures on their petition to help them pressure the loan companies to forgive their college loans.

The real way to lose these friends is to torque them where it hurts: in the perfect world of what could have been.

"Hey, [name], did you know that Germany has almost $0 tuition AND healthcare is included if you're a student?"

Watch as that "friends" ticker plummets to 0.

Thanks for reading.  This will be the last update for January, because in February, I'm starting a different cycle.  One that will update on a Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule.  This cycle will feature short stories written by yours truly.  Feel free to send in prompts, if I like it, I'll write a story about it!

HILAMFBF 20

Thank you, readers, for your astounding fortitude of reading these 20 posts.  As my posts yesterday might have tipped off, I've been on something of a literature kick.  So here's to you classy readers.  

"Man, you really remind me of Steinbeck's Curley.  You'd probably pick on a mentally challenged giant, too."  

One less friend.  

HILAMFBF 19 (The Double Tap)

If on the other hand, you are like Stradlater and happen to date your friends' ex's, then here's one for you to decapitate that friendship.

"Hey, [dude/lady], I just used Zombieland rule no. 2 on your ex-[girl-/boyfriend]."

Then do a follow up post.

"I double tapped them."

Keep it classy?  Of course not, you're rolling like Stradlater.

HILAMFBF 18 (I don't think the acronym will stick)

So I've been re-reading Catcher in the Rye, which of course I'm sure you have all read.  So to get rid of that annoying person that seems to date the folks you used to go around with, here's this handy line: "You remind of Stradlater, and if you don't know who that is than you're more like him than I even believed."

Because of course, Stradlater is a moron.