How I lost all my FB friends, episode VI

So I used roman numerals this time because Episode VI was my favorite of the three Star Wars films.  (I'm sorry, Natalie Portman.  You are a fabulous actress, but without Han Solo... I'm sure you understand.)

Here's another handy way to lose that pesky oversharing FB friend.  "Dear [be sure to tag your soon-to-be-ex-friend here], I'm sorry your heart was broken, but did you really think that all those passive aggressive posts were really going to mend your relationship? #notsosly"

Cheers, and best of luck losing those friends!

How I lost all my FB friends, Episode Five

A little perspective:

"Wow!  That is a startling statistic.  Can I get some sources for that?"

Alternately, you can use truthorfiction.com or Snopes.com to check out the veracity on someone's claims and then point out how gullible the person is.  What fun! 

How I lost all my FB friends, Episode IV

Here's one I think anyone can appreciate:

"Man, you know a lot about [TV Show].  When did you last finish reading a book?"

How I lost all my FB friends, installment the third

So, we're all still upset (and rightly so) about the heartbreaking events at Sandy Hook, and we're all still instant experts on gun violence statistics. Here's how to lose some friends today:
"How complicit are you in our current culture of violence?"
 Heck, it's a question I ought to post on my own statuses.

ADDENDUM: Whether you're pro-gun or anti-gun (not that those are the only choices on the spectrum), nobody likes that people got murdered, so please do keep that in mind if a conversation develops.

How I lost all my FB friends, episode dos.

The fun continues today! Here's some food for thought for your soon-to-be ex-FB friends. Aren't they lucky? Comment: "Please remember that even though you were in your pajamas when you posted, that the internet is, in fact, not as private as your bedroom." Do remember however, that this comment won't work on everyone! For some people, their bedroom and FB share the exact same level of privacy. (Glean from that what you will.)

Inappropriate Status Comments, or how I lost all my FB friends.

I'll be aiming to update this post daily through the end of January. If you want to know how to lose friends, or maybe you just want a place to vicariously post insensitive comments, leave one below! Comment #1: "You have two options: shut up or grow a pair" (For Ladies add "of brass ovaries" then you'll be ready to FB defend your reproductive rights)

Writers' Digest Conference Recap

This past weekend I went to the Writers’ Digest Conference in Manhattan. It’s kind of a whirlwind still, and I haven’t landed on the ground yet. Here’s a list of my impressions:

1) Driving/being driven around Manhattan is more terrifying than jumping out of an airplane (true story)
a. Reason 1: Lanes are merely suggestions
b. Reason 2: Stop lights are optional
c. Reason 3: A Pedestrian only has right of way if they’re big enough to dent the bumper.
2) Most pedestrians have some sort of death wish or absolute trust in drivers.
3) It’s difficult to find a meal for two for anything under $50.
4) Oban 14 is now my favorite Single Malt scotch.
5) Being around a ton of other writers is both humbling and inspiring.
6) I know a lot more about psycho-developmental and cognitive theories than I gave myself credit for (at least as it pertains to writing).
a. Corollary: I am bad at experimenting with what I know (e.g. incorporating Meyer-Briggs type in my characters’ dossiers).
7) Donald Maass – believe the hype about him.
8) Chris Baty is hilarious and really down to earth. He was very proud when I told him that NaNoWriMo basically pulled me out of the engineering field. (I wonder if he keeps a tally on his car like some sort of literary Red Baron?)
9) My novel is a LONG way from being ready, but I now have the tools to tune it up right.
10) Literary Fiction (particularly “Lit light”) is the genre that dominates the Bestseller lists for one to two years at a time. All else is mostly passing through.
11) Pitching to agents in terrifying.
a. Insight: Having a killer synopsis would have helped strengthen my pitch.
b. Insight 2, the Insightier: A strong premise for the novel at the outset would have kept my story better in check.
12) Manhattan definitely has its appeals. It’s refreshing to stand on a street corner and hear four languages – none of which is English.

Here’s what actually being at the conference felt like:
The Process:
Level up! You have one specialization point to spend.
English Major 5/Manager 1/Novelist(Prereqs. Not met!)

*Click* “Novelist”
Error: you have not unlocked this specialization path yet. Visit the Master to level up.

Journey: To Manhattan –
Trial: Get time off work (Success)
Trial: Overcome nerves about being in a BIG city. (Failure, but too late! Committed to course of action)
Trial: Get Manuscript ready to present to agents (Partial Success)
Trial: Get manuscript copied (Great success – only wasn’t needed).
Trial: Airplane Ride – Babies were involved. (Success! Baby slept the whole ride)
Arrival!
Trial: Find the bus that goes to the hotel. (Success! With help from a mystical helper)
Trial: Survive the ride without soiling shorts (Partial Success!)

Congratulations! You have found the Masters.
Next step: Level up and spend Specialization point
Net adjustments: Perceptions ++, Insight +, Confidence ------, Craft Tools +, Networking ++, Exhaustion --, Bank account ------------------------------------------------, Optimism +

You have achieved level one Novelist!