Well, ladies and gentlemen,
I have some wonderful – and I do mean wonderful – news for you all in this session of "What's Actually Trending:" Obama has indeed ruined our border with Mexico. That's right, I said it. Obama has ruined our border. Are you happy yet? Can you dance with glee?
Great! Now, I'll explain how our border is ruined. Did you know that under Stephen Colbert's Great or Greatest President, President G. W. Bush, the yearly average for illegal alien apprehension at our Southern Border from 2000-2008 was just over 1 Million? Now, as a country that has a total prison population of just over 2 Million as of year end 2012, apprehending 1 Million people a year is HUGE! So good job securing our borders, President Bush.
Except... there's no guarantee that those people we apprehended intended harm to the US, a claim that backed President Bush's policies on border enforcement. By contrast, the annual rates of illegal alien apprehension under President Barack Obama have hovered around only half a million. There are many factors to consider why the number dropped so dramatically (weakened American economy, huge increase in spending on border patrol under Obama's administration, improved technology), but the really impressive thing is that the Border Patrol seized almost 3 Million Pounds of narcotics through their efforts in 2013 alone from under 420,000 illegal aliens. By contrast, in 2006, Border Patrol seized 2.2 Million pounds of narcotics, but they apprehended nearly 1.1 Million illegal aliens. So either the news of legalization of marijuana dramatically increased black market demand for marijuana and other drugs, or thanks to better training and technology the Border Patrol now is much better at identifying drug mules and stopping them.
The truth is that our borders are safer than they've ever been, but we don't get to arrest as many people crossing the border seeking work. On the bright-side, not only do we get to arrest a record number of unaccompanied minors (over 10% of all apprehended aliens) as they flee horrendous violence and crushing poverty, but now we might get to ship them right back into those conditions! And that's a great thing, because the children are the future, and now we've taught them that if they find American Border Patrol agents and turn themselves in seeking refugee status, that we don't care. Because in America, we do the right thing. Whether it be a mother and her children trying to escape an abusive relationship, or unaccompanied children making thousand-mile treks to seek relief, we'll put them right back where they belong.
Given that our southern border is safer than ever (except from children who turn themselves over to American authorities), why do I say that Obama has ruined our border? Because now, facts don't actually support the claims that Obama has weakened our border security! How frustrating is that? But don't worry, despite the facts about why these children are coming here, we still have our GOP Vanguards like Senator John McCain (R-AZ) to trot out the old "Obama is weakening America" spiel.
Now, why would we believe our elected representatives to use facts to support arguments? Because
And that's what's actually trending.
As always, thanks for reading.